I, Black Bolt
Published by z March 6th, 2007 in I, SuperheroOne of my favorite fanboy hobbies is sitting around asking, “what would you do if you had so-and-so’s powers?” For the most part, answers consist of either exacting revenge on some people or very contrived methods of seeing girls naked. But if I was given superpowers, I’d be using them for EVERYTHING. So what would happen if I had the powers of…
Black Bolt
Black Bolt is king of the Inhumans, a group of super-powered humanoids who live on the moon. The Inhumans are a weird looking bunch, some of them misshapen, others with cryptic markings on their face. They also have a sense of cooperation that borders on hive-mindedness. Supposedly their powers come from their coming-of-age ceremony when every Inhuman is exposed to the “Terrigen Mists”, but now that I’ve been to Burning Man, I imagine the ceremony is the same as what would happen if I took a bunch of Ecstasy and planned a Bar Mitzvah.
Anyway, Black Bolt is king of the Semitic Ravers. He has the standard superpower extra value meal of flight, strength and nigh-invulnerability, along with some “energy-manipulation powers” which seem a lot like the same “powers” I get any time I wear a wool sweater and walk on carpet. But beyond that, his voice is a super-powered weapon. A whisper is enough to knock out the Hulk; with a shout he could level a planet.
Turns out this is great news for his wife, Medusa, because while Black Bolt may be king, since he can’t exactly go around making royal proclamations, he stands silently by while his wife orders everyone around on his behalf. But while Black Bolt has undergone “extensive mental training” to keep himself from yelling “son of a bitch!” every time he stubs his toe, I can’t shut up. So what would happen if I had his powers?